In here i will take some famous songs and rearrange the lyrics, making John the topic- In other words completely destroy the whole song to satisfy my own sick humour! (Please note for the record, i am NOT a big Eminem fan- i just thought this particular song would be good to get things started) JOHN
(To the tune of Stan-Eminem)
Chorus:
My teas gone cold, Im wondering why
I ever got out of bed,
But now I realise the mystery
I made iced tea instead
But here I am just sittin Floundering
But Johns Picture on my wall
It reminds me that its not so bad, not so bad.
Verse1:
Dear John, I wrote you but youre still not replying
I leave my address, but still no success- so I guess Ill just keep tryin,
I sent you ten letters back in Autumn- you must not a got em
It must have been the postman- dont worry, I shot im,
But anyways whats been up John- hows your nephew?
Id like a kid someday, to be fathered by you,
So hurry up and write back and just answer my plea
And we can live like one big happy family- youll see,
I know you probably hear this everyday, But Ive got all your vids
I even got the stuff you and Joanie did when you were kids,
Ive got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
HELL I even forked out for shit like The Journey Of Natty Gann!
Anyways I hope you get this Cusack, hit me back, just to chat
Truly yours, the biggest fan of thee- This is me.
CHORUS
Verse 2:
Dear John, Its me- and you still aint called or wrote
Maybe its the new postman- just wait till I get my hands on his throat
I just wonder why you havent replied to your future bride
And if I didnt know better- Id contemplate suicide,
When I saw you at the movie theatre- you didnt have to talk if you didnt want to
But you couldve signed an autograph, which in my opinion is well overdue,
I know better than the usher, it was you without a doubt
She had some crazy idea that you were only a cardboard cut-out,
Thats pretty shitty John- Youre like my fucking idol
You gotta believe me, no-one loves you more than I do
I even got a tattoo on my arm with your name
But its not real, coz I couldnt cope with the pain
But I listen to all your interviews, and I respect you as you tell it,
If I had a boyfriend hed be jealous coz I talk about you 24/7
But no-one knows you like I do John- NO-ONE!
Do they think I know all the words to your movies just for fun
You gotta call me John, Ill be the biggest fan youll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Me. P.s- We should be together too!
CHORUS.
Verse 3:
Dear MrIm too good to write my fans-This is the last letter I ever send your ass
Its been two years and still no word- I dont deserve it!
Both you and I know that I wrote the address on each one perfect
So this is my cassette im sending you, I hope you hear it
But judging from the past- you wont even go near it,
Im on my bicycle now, im doing 20 on the freeway
Im headed for the bridge, coz without you I cant face another day,
Im here now. Ive jumped. Ive plunged into the blue.
And I hope the world knows that this was all down to you,
Its a pity this predicament was solved too late
After my body was found in an unrecognisable state,
They found out why my letters were never returned
It was down to my signature- or so they confirmed,
It turned out, I kept writing- Me- instead of my name
And all this time I thought John was to blame
So in all this could have been fixed so easily,
And the blame was down to.Come to think of it.It was ME! DAMN!
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